Honor the Fallen
by Zandra's Ashes
Summary: A unique glimpse of John and Elizabeth's relationship through Major Lorne's eyes while they are dealing with the loss of one of their own.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't make any money from my "borrowing" of these beloved characters.

Major Evan Lorne trampled through heavy underbrush of the forest, the crimson treetops drudging up pleasant memories of Earth during the fall. The trees extended high above him and for the millionth time since he exited the Stargate, he wished he held his art supplies in his hands instead of his P90. He heard the grumbling of the medics struggling to match his team's footsteps. If anything, he only increased his pace in response. He'd prefer his team had been assigned to infiltrate a Wraith hive ship to their current mission. He wasn't looking forward to facing Sheppard knowing he was escorting the medical team tasked with clearing the body of his fallen team mate for return to Atlantis.

Lorne sucked in his breath as he reached the clearing, seeing the lifeless body of one of their own stretched out before him. Mentally he admonished himself for as much as it pained him to see a fallen comrade; it was a brutal reminder of his own mortality. It could be his turn any minute, and he didn't think there was a single member of the expedition unaware of that fact. It was a heavy burden to shoulder, especially on a scheduled day off. Peace was an unknown luxury here in the Pegasus galaxy. Atlantis had become a part of the entire crew's heart and soul, he could see it in the eyes of all those around him. It had almost enchanted them all in that bad for you addictive kind of way.

The senior staff members had all grown so used to him standing on the sidelines that they rarely noticed how much he was privy to witness as Sheppard's second in command. He'd seen a lot, more than enough to notice the nuances in their behavior. They were slowly changing, all of them. The daily realities of life in this galaxy were taking a toll on them all. Some days he wondered how much more they could take. This day had become one of those.

Teyla stood nearby watching Lorne's approach guardedly. He heard the footsteps stall behind him as he moved through the clearing. John stood rigidly facing the lifeless body; his lips pressed tightly together, his jaw locked tightly. Everything about his body language screamed stay away, but Lorne was faced with that damned if you do, damned if you don't moment. Military directive required him to report to his CO upon arrival. If he dared err on the side of friendship, granting John the time he had earned to grieve his friend, he risked insulting his CO by acknowledging he recognized those emotions Sheppard stoically tried to hide by turning his eyes away from them all. Lorne took a deep breath pressed forward.

Lorne stopped behind Sheppard, clearing his throat nervously. "Sir, the medics are standing by awaiting your orders."

Sheppard turned slowly around; his eyes never met Lorne's. Whatever he saw spurred his body into a dead run, brushing Lorne aside like he was a mere gnat. Teyla appeared at his side, grasping his arm firmly as he steadied himself on his feet. They both looked in the direction John had bolted towards.

Lorne's eyes rolled as he spotted Johnson crouched on his knees beside the body, pulling an array of medical equipment from his bags. He knew bringing him was a bad idea. He was to the medical team what Kavanaugh had become to the science team. Trouble. Lorne had clearly heard Elizabeth instruct the medics not to touch the body until John granted that permission.

Teyla started rushing forward and Lorne followed, trusting her instincts. They didn't reach the man in time. John's hand clamped around Johnson's neck, somehow yanking the man to a standing position with one hand before pushing him backwards, slamming him against a tree. Lorne could see John's knuckles whiten as he held the man, he could see Johnson's toes straining closer to the ground trying to take some of his weight and allow him some leverage to fight back. Sheppard's grip was too tight, Johnson was gasping for air.

"He is not a damn science project! No one, I repeat no one is to lay a hand on him." Sheppard's voice emerged as a tortured roar.

Teyla was at his side, speaking calmly into his ear as she gently tried to pry John's hands away from Johnson's throat. "John, Elizabeth will not allow that to happen to him. She would not approve of those actions. She will not be happy to learn of yours either if you do not allow this man to go free."

Teyla's eyes locked on Lorne's, trying to tell him something as she spoke to John. "Elizabeth" Her eyebrows raised again with her name and he finally understood, nodding as she continued, "Elizabeth will make this right John. Step aside, Ronon will ensure no one else will try to touch Ford's body until you approve it. "

John finally released his hold on Johnson, who in turn fell with a thud to the ground. Lorne turned away tapping his ear bud contacting the team he'd left at the gate. "Establish a wormhole; I need to speak with Atlantis."

"Major, go ahead, wormhole is established." He received the answer a moment later.

"Atlantis, this is Major Lorne. Have a medical team on standby, I'm bringing Johnson in. Have Dr. Weir ready to depart, we need her assistance with Col. Sheppard. Tell her I'll explain when I get there."

Lorne made a vow to never complain about McKay's whining again. Johnson's raspy whines on the way back to the gate ensured him the man's windpipe had not been crushed as he'd feared. As his frustration grew, Lorne was almost amazed he held back from finishing what John had started. As they stepped into the Gateroom, Lorne shoved Johnson at the waiting medical team before darting up the stairs to the control room to find Elizabeth. As he reached the top of the stairs he spotted her running towards him.

"Evan? What happened?" Elizabeth's eyes were wide with concern.

Noticing the watchful eyes around them, he grabbed her elbow and began steering her down the stairs, grateful John had still not seemed to have gotten word of their friendship. After seeing him today, the last thing he needed was to have that man's wrath upon him-and for all the wrong reasons. Elizabeth had become like a sister he had to look out for, which he did more often than Sheppard probably ever realized. Lorne had somehow managed to become John's stand in, supporting her and distracting her during the frequent bouts of trouble John landed in, when he left Atlantis anxiously awaiting, wondering if he and his team would survive.

Elizabeth stalled on the stairway down to the Gateroom as she spied Johnson sporting gloriously red palm prints around his neck. Her hands timidly rose to her own throat as they carted Johnson away. "Evan?"

He tugged her further down the stairs, further away from the straining ears in the Control Room. Satisfied that no one could hear them he stopped when they reached the Gateroom floor. "You told me what happened when John had been infected with the retrovirus, what he did to you when you visited him in his quarters."

Elizabeth visibly winced and she whispered, "You are the only one who knows."

The pained look in her eyes paired with the ragged tone of her voice forced him to look away. They were killing themselves with their denial. Lorne wondered where John and Elizabeth found the strength to stay apart. He knew for a fact the two were not together, not in _that_ way. He was well aware of the betting pool and the crew members who ruthlessly kept watch on each of their quarters every night waiting to collect on their bets.

He released his hand from her arm, running his fingers through his hair. "Elizabeth, he could have killed him. He did the exact thing he did to you to Johnson, without the extra strength of the retrovirus and the mutations. I don't know how you two can pretend; there is no way he could have held back otherwise when he was with you, when his hand clamped around your neck. I have no doubt you would be dead if he didn't love-"

"Don't." She grabbed his chin, forcing his eyes back to hers.

"Liz, Woolsey was still here when John's team reported Ford's death. He ordered the medical team to submit tissue samples immediately and then send the body back to Stargate Command for the autopsy. When Sheppard saw Johnson getting to work on Ford's body, he had to have known what was coming."

Evan watched Elizabeth's eyes press together, her teeth clamping down on her bottom lip. He could only imagine the stream of obscenities running through her mind over the IOA's actions, but she would never let anyone see her lose her composure.

"Take me to him." Her voice was curt.

Evan had been in the field on many occasions with Elizabeth. Several of those times, they were under fire, heading in to the event horizon with gunfire flaming through above them. He had never seen her move as fast as she did today. She stalled when they reached the clearing, watching John carefully as he stood much like when Lorne first arrived earlier in the day. Teyla and Ronon nodded with relief in her direction. Evan placed his hand on the small of her back, gently nudging her forward but she shook him off.

"Wait. She whispered as her eyes locked upon his body.

Evan watched as John's shoulders slumped, losing the rigidity they had held so long. Evan wondered if he'd somehow sensed Elizabeth's presence. John turned back towards Ford's body and he slowly began to approach his fallen teammate. His head tucked downward almost in shame as he neared him. Elizabeth was almost holding her breath as she watched. Evan could see her body almost imperceptibly leaning forward as if fighting to hold herself still, to give him the time he needed.

As the moments passed, Evan found himself almost holding his own breath as he watched Elizabeth fight to still her body.

She whispered, "That should have been John. If Ford hadn't have pushed him away, it would have been John. Ford died a hero, and all I can think about is how close…"

The look in her eyes would have been enough to take his breath had it not already been fighting to stabilize it. He cusped her chin and nodded his head from side to side, warning her, she could not approach John like that. He needed her strength now. She nodded numbly understanding somehow. She stood there silently shaking her head up and down as if trying to convince herself.

Then John squatted before Ford, dropping his head into his hands. Elizabeth strode forward now without hesitation, confident somehow in her actions. She moved before John standing silently before him. Her hands began snaking through his hair and her lips began moving. Evan strained to hear her words, but he didn't hear a word she said. He watched as John's hands moved out to the sides of her hips brushing against them as if trying to talk himself out of the comfort she was offering. Her lips kept moving and finally John's hands clamped around her hips pulling her body forward. Her arms reached around his neck as she tucked her body downward, his cheek pressing into her stomach. After a long moment, her knees bent and she knelt down before him. John's face tucked into her neck as they clung to each other.

"We need to go." Ronon had silently approached his side. "The Wraith will be back."

"There is a clearing just to the north, much closer than the Stargate. " Teyla said.

Lorne nodded, understanding and agreeing. He tapped his earbud, "Sgt.- dial Atlantis. Tell me when the link's been established."

A moment later the Sgt. Responded, "Major the Stargate is connected."

"Atlantis, this is Lorne. Let's get a jumper over here, there's a clearing just to the north of our position. The sooner the better."

"This is Atlantis, we have one standing by. Dialing the gate now." Chuck's voice crackled over the radio.

Lorne move over a few steps, trying to discreetly capture Elizabeth's attention. Her eyes fluttered open spotting his movement. He nodded his head and pointed at his watch. She gave him a slow nod in return before directing her eyes back at John.

"Lorne, this is McKay. Scans indicate there are no hive ships in the area. Stay put, I'm coming with the jumper, I want to talk to John and Elizabeth."

"All right, you might want to send another team through to help guard the Gate. "

"Done. I'll be there in five minutes. No one is to move or touch Ford Major, can you handle that?" McKay's voice warbled through across the radio.

Lorne glanced over at Sheppard and knew he didn't have to worry. Only a fool would touch that body with Sheppard standing guard over him.

TBC: One more chapter to wrap this up. This chapter was penned a long time ago, but ended up a bit depressing and I hated to post it. But, the J/E moments through someone else's eyes seemed worthy of living somewhere other than the depths of my c drive. So sorry if I've depressed you, I promise a fun holiday piece of some sorts to make up for this one Hopefully not too many grammatical errors, you are probably tired of hearing me say this but I self edit and I will never pretend I am perfect- far from it as are all the best people I know .


	2. Chapter 2

Lorne glanced at his watch and wondered where the hell McKay was. Elizabeth stood numbly at the edge of the clearing waiting for McKay who was, not surprisingly, taking longer than he should have to arrive. Ronon's narrowed eyes now alternated between protectively tracking her movements and scouring the tree line. Teyla had taken Elizabeth's place by John's side, but Lorne noted her eyes repeatedly looking to the sky.

Suddenly Ronon shoved Elizabeth down while snapping his gun into firing position. McKay finally emerged from the tree line holding a cloth wrapped package and oddly showing no signs of terror when greeted by Ronon's weapon. McKay reached down pulling Elizabeth back to her feet and began speaking rapidly while unwrapping the package. Lorne watched Elizabeth's body stiffen; she visibly blanched when McKay pulled an earthen pot from the cloth. Lorne took a step closer, recognition nagging at him.

She had grown paler than Lorne had ever seen her; even from here he could see her hands shaking when she took the pot from McKay. Sheppard turned towards her, his eyes molting almost black when he saw Elizabeth holding the pot. Then his eyes travelled upward and locked with Elizabeth's. McKay was still talking; Sheppard was too far to hear what was being said, but judging by the bulging vein in his neck, he already understood what Lorne could not.

The tension over the silent discussion occurring between John and Elizabeth sent shock waves rippling back through the clearing. Even McKay fell silent and no one else dared move much less speak. The only motion Lorne noted was Teyla's eyebrow arching approvingly when she met Ronon's eyes. _They _understood and Lorne decided he must not be as observant as he'd thought because he'd no idea what the hell was going on here.

Sheppard finally gritted his teeth so harshly Lorne's jaw panged in response. Sheppard's lips pursed tightly together and he nodded curtly. McKay turned away and tapped his earbud and Lorne began to stride towards them. Unspoken tension still hovered over the clearing; Ronon was still scanning the woods and Teyla's eyes continued to dart to the sky while she stepped closer to Sheppard. Lorne caught a flicker of pain that darted across Elizabeth's eyes. There was only so much comfort she was allowed to offer and then she forced herself to the sidelines.

The crisp crunching of twigs brought Lorne's P90 eye level. He came up beside Ronon who was once again primed for action. McKay waved them off and went to greet an assortment of personnel from Atlantis that were crossing into the clearing.

"How many jumpers did you bring McKay?" Lorne frowned at the arrivals wondering how many security details accompanied them.

"Only two." McKay's voice was flat. "Many of the expedition members that had worked with Ford either have returned to Earth or-"

Lorne looked down. "Got it McKay." Or they'd been lost, just like Ford.

Finally realizing what was about to happen, Lorne sought Elizabeth's eyes. "Liz, you sure about this?"

"_Liz_?" McKay snapped, and Lorne found himself missing his normal charming self. "Major, I don't know who-"

"_Rodney_." Elizabeth's voice cracked, but the tone of warning carried. She handed McKay the pot. "Who is going to prepare the…get Ford ready?"

"We're on it. I thought you might want to say a few words, I'm not sure John will be…you might want to say a few words." McKay tersely headed off keeping his eyes facing down.

"How did John know, when he saw the pot Elizabeth…" Lorne glanced back over his shoulder.

John was standing beside the scientists who were preparing Ford's body, pacing like a lion ready to pounce at the slightest error of motion.

"When my other self died, the one we found in stasis, she was cremated. We placed her ashes in it." A strangled gasp of laughter escaped Elizabeth's throat. "Oddly, it had originally been a birthday present from John."

Elizabeth's body was silently shaking as the hysterical laugh morphed into to a silent sob. She turned taking quick labored breaths and Lorne gained a glimmer of insight into how tortured she had to feel at that moment. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew how it would look and god help the fool that angered Sheppard any more than he already had been today. Lorne cared for Elizabeth, but he didn't love her like she loved-

Elizabeth's shoulders steeled; she turned around to face him and he winced, feeling like he'd been busted, and he hadn't even said the words aloud. Her eyes shimmered from the moisture still pooling there and he noted the almost imperceptible lean of her shoulders towards Sheppard. Lorne didn't know where the strength came that Elizabeth drew upon, but he did know the day was quickly coming that well would run dry.

"Don't look at me like that Evan; I can't have you of all people judging me, not today." Elizabeth whispered.

"I'm not judging you Elizabeth; I'm trying to push you out of this shell you've been hiding in. It's not healthy and you deserve more. This life we've chosen, we learn the hard way how fleeting it can be. You are wasting _a gift_." Lorne stepped closer speaking closely into her ear. "He needs you Liz, he needs you to stick by his side, not run away the moment you look up and remember everyone's eyes are on you."

"Can we please reschedule the lover's quarrel until after Ford's service is over?" McKay's eyes were stricken. "Unbelievable. Ford deserves more respect than that."

Lorne was so shocked by the grief in McKay's eyes he hadn't even found his voice to protest McKay's outburst. He quickly stepped away from Elizabeth but not before he felt the scalding glare of Sheppard wash over him.

Elizabeth ignored McKay and moved into position at the side of Ford's body. She glanced around the small crowd that had now gathered before Ford and calmness finally claimed her body. Elizabeth began to speak and Lorne felt suddenly like a jerk. He shouldn't have pushed her, not today, but she'd risen above her pain and now her lyrical voice comforted them all. A serenity she shouldn't have been able to harness radiated from her and the strength she shared somehow managed to soothe them all. Everyone except Sheppard.

Elizabeth paused and Sheppard dared to meet her eyes. There was an imperceptible tightening of Elizabeth's eyes and he nodded. He moved and squatted by Ford's body, his lips moving but his words were lost to the winds. Standing again, he struck a match and an agonizing moment later he tossed it to the ground. Embers flared against the whispery threads of the darkening sky.

"I will leave you with this excerpt of a poem. After today's events, I will never think of that poem without thinking of Ford. "Elizabeth's voice trembled, but she quickly recovered. "_I would have sacrificed and gave all that I had to give, not to make man good, but only to let the good man live_."

Teyla's haunting voice broke the following silence and her bittersweet song laced through the air. Shoulders around him were silently quaking as flames danced higher against the sky. Lorne felt the uncomfortable press of the lump rising in his throat; already hating himself for not being stronger, he had to walk away. Once safely in the shelter of the tree line, he watched the crimson light of the fire flicker over Elizabeth's face. She was still standing to the side of Ford; Sheppard was at the other edge of the fire. Her eyes were firmly locked upon Sheppard's rigid body and Lorne realized once again that maybe he had been wrong.

Sheppard's eyes were lost to the glare of the flames but Lorne knew they would be focused upon Ford until the embers waned. With just as much certainty, he knew Elizabeth's eyes would be watching Sheppard as though with just sheer determination her gaze would convey the love and support he needed. Lorne suddenly felt privileged to bear witness to such a pure and selfless love. Perhaps they were wiser than he'd given them credit for. If they ever dared to address the complex and delicate layers of the relationship they had built, Evan suddenly doubted that they could survive the fallout. He realized without a doubt, whether it be the IOA's or the SCG's decision, that they would be separated.

_Later that night:_

Elizabeth and Woolsey had been locked up in her office for over an hour. Lorne had not left the control room; he was unable to pry his eyes away from Elizabeth who was not just holding her own but tearing a new one in Woolsey. He didn't know how Elizabeth managed to change gears so swiftly, but she was shredding each argument Woolsey had dare to voice and making him look like an ass in the process.

He was only vaguely aware of someone stalling at his side.

"Lover's …quarrel?" An angry voice rasped against his eardrum.

Lorne jerked, shocked to find Sheppard arms crossed and muscles rippling.

"Seriously?" Lorne took another step back, but strangely found he felt more irritation than fear. "Look at her Sheppard. She's been in there for hours- _for you_."

Sheppard frowned as he looked through the glass walls of her office. "She's in there because it was the right thing to do." He hissed.

"She called him into her office because it was the right thing to do, but she's still in there – and fighting like a hellcat- _for you_."

Sheppard's lips pressed together while he considered Evan's words. Just then Woolsey stormed out of Elizabeth's office and brushed past them without so much as a peep. Before Evan could say another word, Sheppard was already moving towards her office. He followed her out onto the balcony and stood beside her gazing over the moonlight water surrounding Atlantis. A moment later their shoulders brushed together and they stood frozen and comfortable within their silence. For the first time that day Evan felt a glimmer of hope that tomorrow could be a better day. Shaking his head, he turned around and headed towards his quarters. Only those two, he considered, could make you feel you're intruding on an intimate moment by simply watching them stand together.

He glanced back over his shoulder at them and sighed. Changing his footsteps, he moved towards the mess hall, surprised by the surge of loneliness that had arisen while he'd watched them. He was going to have to find himself someone to share the silence with. Acknowledging _that_ would mean he'd have to take it easier on Elizabeth, but it probably wouldn't be too difficult to find something else to pester her about. Spotting a recently arrived scientist with a pension for firearms, Evan veered off towards her table.

A/N: Thank you for taking the time to check out this story, I hope you enjoyed.


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